The Value of Drive Time

When I made a shift in work environment recently, one of the benefits to the change was that I would not be driving 45 minutes, twice a day, four days a week. I certainly know people who have a longer commute, but the shift in schedule was a piece of how I saw myself creating time for what I wanted to be doing next. Essentially, my weeks were gaining an additional six hours over and above the 40-something hours I had been spending on the job.

It wasn't until I was driving extensively over the past week to rehearse with a bunch of talented high school musicians that I remembered how much I actually enjoyed my time on the road. Sure, I get frustrated at traffic from time to time, but more often I had been using the time to plan or work out details of various projects. Essentially, the drive time had helped me be efficient and insightful. When I looked at it from a new perspective, it wasn't such a great benefit to give up the commute.

This made even more sense when I took the Strengthsfinder 2.0 test online and read about the strength of being Strategic, my highest strength according to this particular evaluation. It said that Strategic thinkers need "musing time" to give their brains a chance to work on problems and challenges, coming up with the best course of action. In other words, my actual strengths were being engaged effectively because I had a commute. Take away the commute, and my brain isn't able to work things out as effectively.

It occurs to me that people often fall into patterns of behavior that tap into the natural strengths subconsciously. They might gravitate toward certain jobs or certain kinds of relationships without realizing that an area of innate ability is being directly by that decision. For me, I chose to work somewhere that required pockets of time that my brain could do something it does well. But I didn't choose the commute because it would engage an area of personal strength. At least not consciously.

Now that I know what works well for me, I can make those decisions more purposefully. I won't necessarily be inventing a daily commute, but I can schedule musing time into my day. Acknowledging what is true about my strengths gives me an opportunity to effectively seek out ways to engage my natural capability in what I am creating rather than trying to make things work the way they are "supposed" to. It's another way of trusting myself.

Shaking Off the Dust

When something doesn't make logical sense to me, it's tough for my mind to just let it go. I want to figure it out, put all of the pieces in place until I can understand at least one rational explanation, even if it isn't reality. When I really become preoccupied with this process, it can weigh me down. A couple of days ago, I was hanging on to something that not only seemed irrational, but pondering it just sent me deeper into anger about the situation.

Before I left a previous job, I had agreed to help with an event as an independent contractor. All of the pieces were in place as far as I was concerned, and I had taken care to remain in contact with the person organizing the event, just in case there were any changes. I received a phone call from the organizer a few days ago, saying that they were going to get someone closer to the venue instead of keeping me on the project.

I was a bit puzzled, to say the least. I haven't moved, so I am not any further away than I had been. I commented that I believed all of the arrangements were made, and that I was willing to travel if there were additional decisions or changes I needed to be a part of. But this person had it that my involvement was inconvenient, and someone closer would just be easier. My response was to graciously accept the decision and wish them the best.

The more I thought about it, though, the less it made logical sense. After turning it around in my head for awhile, I couldn't conceive of any reason for this person to have developed this idea that it would be better for the event to replace me with someone closer. Unless it wasn't this person's idea. I began to concoct a picture in my head of this planner being influenced by people who disagreed with some of the leadership decisions I had made when I worked there. I began to get angry as I conceived of how my livelihood was being negatively impacted by petty people. Even though I had endeavored remain professional and maintain connections, other people were sabotaging my efforts.

At least in my head. But then, I remembered something I have heard many times about focusing on my strengths rather than perceived weakness. When people concentrate time and energy on weaknesses, they are always catching up. But focusing on strengths leads to forward momentum. It's strange how seemingly insignificant things can add up and weigh a person down, as if the dust on my shoes can actually make my feet work harder. Focusing on my strengths is like shaking off the dust and realizing how much lighter I can actually be. I began to see how this applies to some relationships, too.

What I am trying to create in my life right now actually doesn't depend on my attachment with this old work site. I am not dependent on the people there for my livelihood, and they don't actually have any direct impact on my success. That relationship is primarily part of my past, not my future. While it would be nice to remain connected on a professional level, I can't carry that intention alone. My current goals involve becoming reconnected with people with whom I haven't been in regular contact for awhile and fostering new partnerships of vision and purpose. At a certain point, focusing on maintaining a conflict-ridden relationship detracts from the energy I would like to be putting into developing and nurturing stronger relationships.

So my anger was not for nothing, and I am grateful that I was able to dig into it enough to find the valuable piece and move forward. Hanging on to the anger would have been less productive. But I have more clarity now than I did a few days ago, and in a sense I have given myself permission to move on with dustless shoes.

Concentrated Strength

I read recently that it is better to concentrate on maximizing one's strengths rather than constantly trying to make up for one's weaknesses. When I consider my path and the way I have been journeying on it, I often do just the opposite: I downplay my strengths and try to force development of the areas in which I believe I am lacking. It hasn't been an exuberant way to journey, to say the least.

Tonight, I co-taught the first class in a six-week Power of Connection course, and I realized how I cheat myself (and the world) when I focus on making up for my weaknesses. The truth is that I am a skilled teacher, and I am an engaging and compelling speaker. I am insightful and creative, and I can help people to see things they might not otherwise notice. I care about people, and I am an effective communicator. I am also a gifted musician and composer, able to engage in detail work and large-scale planning at the same time.

I am not a skilled marketer. Although I am an excellent strategist, I'm not great at publicizing my self, my skills, or my creations. I do not enjoy tedious and repetitive tasks, and I do not value empty dialogue. At the same time, I am often distracted from the things that are important to me by things that are urgent to someone else. I do not believe that I can do everything equally well, but who can?

What I am learning is that all of what I want to accomplish is rooted in partnerships. I want to partner with people who have complementary skill sets in almost every arena of my life. When I acknowledge what my actual strengths are, it becomes clear how I can make a meaningful contribution to the world. Now, if only I knew how to find the ideal partnerships to fill in the gaps... and here I get the distinct sensation that I already know how to do this. It boils down to my own willingness, persistence, and devotion.

I believe I'm worth it.

Vulnerability

I am learning one of the dangers to stepping up and being fully present. When I am completely on the edge of my growth, I put myself in a bit of a vulnerable position. Just keeping a blog going means my beliefs and insights are subject to scrutiny. Someone can come along at any time and point out a flaw, notice a blind spot, or just criticize to play out their own drama. That possibility could be a really convincing excuse to hide out in the safe area of stagnation and complacency.

But there is something invigorating about being engaged more fully in life, in stretching to 100% of my potential and pushing against that edge. Part of it comes directly from being vulnerable I think. Not just existing in a state of vulnerability, but actually staying on the edge when the flaws get noticed or the criticisms are hurled.

I learned something about the word "vulnerability" from Ann McMaster, who learned it somewhere along her own remarkable journey. Although we often think of a vulnerability as a weakness, in actuality it conveys a position of strength. It means "capable of being wounded." The more I think about it, the more comfortable I am with its connotations: I can be wounded without it crippling me. I do not have to be defensive. I can grow from whatever I see in the mirror of other people's reactions and responses. Being vulnerable means that I am ready and willing to keep growing.