Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Despite efforts to the contrary, I occasionally slip into a state of driven-ness. There is so much I want to accomplish, and there are so many steps I can take right now toward those goals. I want to be writing music, I want to provide a high quality of work at my job, I want to play some challenging piano accompaniments well for some high school musicians, I want to be sending my music out to get more performances, I want to continue along my path to mentor, coach, and trainer with More To Life, and I want to be engaged and fully present in my marriage and friendships. Just to list the important things. These are the long-term, continual goals that embody some portion of my passions and involve many little steps between milestones.
I plan when I will take time to play and relax into my weekly schedule, but even that can become driven. How much time do I have left until that lunch appointment? Am I getting enough done? Should I be doing something else with this time? Is it time to go on to the next thing? Crazy. All the "I want to"s slip so easily into "I have to."
So, I've been sick for a few days. It's not the swine flu, but my energy has been way down and a fever has had my head pounding. Instead of tackling the week with my typical m.o., I let my body's aches justify taking it easy. I relaxed. I enjoyed some stillness. And (since I'm not contagious), I've spent a lot more time hanging out with one of my friends than I typically get to. I have done a little bit to keep progressing toward my goals, but I haven't overexerted myself, and I haven't let accomplishing things become high priority. The amazing thing is that I have been able to be honest about what I actually want to do with my time, and I've been doing it. And it's been enough.