Back to School

Throughout my college and grad school years, I had a real sense of what my long-term, short-term, and immediate goals were. I knew when the semester would be over, and I knew what I expected to learn or accomplish in that time. Now, with no advisor to inform my next steps and no professor with a syllabus to guide my journey through a course, it's really up to me to decide those things. Since I got so much from the structure of college semesters, I decided this fall to create a course listing of 10 courses and developed a semester syllabus for each of them. Essentially, I determined what things I want to spend my time and energy on for the next few months, and I found a way to share those goals with other people.

Five of the courses have tuition fees. One is the Basic Music Composition course I'm teaching at the Rice University Glasscock School of Continuing Studies, and another is essentially advanced composition lessons. I intend to take time for my own compositional endeavors as well, of course. The other three courses with tuition are the workshops I offer through Envision Coaching Solutions. The Power of Connection is on the calendar for October, and I'm in the process of locating a venue and scheduling the other two. I'm looking forward to how these workshops will evolve, and I am excited about being able to share skills and knowledge in a way that empowers other people to claim a meaningful vision for their lives.

The five free courses are a way that I'm basically doing that in my own life. When I was able to quantify what I want to create and learn over the next few months, I was also able to open space for partnership in those efforts. Basically, I advertised my "course offerings" to people I know, letting them see what I'm going to be spending time on and inviting them to join me. I've been thinking about how those courses fit together and why those particular topics are important to me personally.

Flow is a book I've been intending to read for awhile. I put it on the course schedule to invite others to read it at the same time and hopefully benefit from what it has to offer. It's about moment-by-moment creativity, which is something I strive for in my own life and want to encourage in others. I see it potentially informing how I coach coach and compose and connect with others.

The Artist's Way is similar is some ways. I expect to learn and grow as a composer and a coach, and I will have a chance to bear witness to the creativity of others in the group. This book is much more of a workbook than Flow, and its author, Julia Cameron, is an extraordinary creativity coach.

Since I know I'll be viewing and thinking about horror films, I included Morality in Horror Films in the fall semester. This has actually turned into a very compelling project for me. I expect a book to be created in partnership with the other participants, and there will be a lot of exciting lessons in organizing the project, over and above the entertaining subject matter.

Another activity I intended to keep on my calendar is a regular in-person role-playing game. For several months, I have been researching how role-playing games can be a tool for personal and organizational development. Unfortunately, lessons learned in a game typically do not transfer to real life. So, I have been working on developing tools to bridge that gap. Essentially, I believe that the opportunity for people to benefit beyond the fun of playing an imaginative game is too great to ignore. So I am dedicating time this semester to exploring Group Dynamics and Creative Strategy in Role-Playing Games.

Finally, I included in the fall semester Basic Ritual Craft. Much has been written about the importance of ritual, and how ritual can add depth of meaning to life events. We use ritual to celebrate all sorts of special events like birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, and promotions. It's been an interest of mine for some time, and I have created some rituals for use in previous jobs. I've been accumulating resources from many different perspectives, and I want to do something more with them. I don't know where this one will lead, but I am glad I committed to set aside time for it.

So, I am headed forward with a structure that has worked for me in the past. I don't know how it will work out, but it is an exciting venture filled with things that matter to me. And I am able to explore connection with other people in all of it. The biggest shift for me is that I have accepted that I am at the helm of my own life. Kind of a big deal I guess.

Have You Ever Noticed...

that when you learn new word, you start hearing it everywhere? The concept that dreaming big is a team activity has been taking root for me over the past several months. I have been realizing more and more how vital connections and partnerships are in creating a powerful vision that reaches beyond my own life. This week, I have been noticing this idea all over the place, in blatant and subtle ways.

I had lunch with a friend of mine and mentioned something I was considering taking on. His response was, "I can provide you with names of a few people I trust, if you're interested." Almost exactly the same thing happened yesterday at the More To Life Creative Possibilities Day in Houston: I mentioned to someone that I envisioned creating some connecting multimedia messages for the community, but had little technical expertise to carry out that vision alone. By lunch, I had the names of two experienced videographers in the community who will potentially be incredible assets who are passionate about the message of the organization.

Beyond those conversations, I accompanied some young musicians last week, playing music that would have been incomplete and unsatisfying without partnership. The music involved more than what one performer can accomplish alone. And having partnership in enrolling the next Power of Connection course I am teaching is much more encouraging and effective than if I were to try doing it all by myself. I think one of reasons I enjoy teaching the course so much is the profound way my own thinking has been transformed by embracing a more expansive vision than I ever have before.

When I attended a new music concert last night presented by Musiqa, it struck me that the organization was thriving because of partnerships on many levels. It was bigger than one person's idea. As I was recently invited to consider taking a leadership role in a similar organization, I immediately saw the potential for connection. I was able to lay the groundwork for further conversations with people who are successfully doing what I would like to create. I can benefit from their insight and experience, and I can learn how two similarly-focused organizations can thrive together while maintaining distinct identities. Without a belief in the value of partnerships and a willingness to connect, a vision that big could be daunting.

As it becomes more ingrained that I don't have to take on my vision all by myself, I notice more and more examples of partnerships. I see movie credits where an entire team of people collaborated on writing and directing a successful film. I hear compelling pieces of music that were created by a lyricist and a composer working together. I read published papers about discoveries to which a team of researchers contributed. And when I really start noticing, I see how partnerships play a part in carrying out almost every vision, from managing a successful restaurant to producing an opera.

While I see the power of "rugged individualism" in setting my sights on what truly matters to me, the other side of that equation is in how the vision is created. I could try to do everything myself, but the potential for success skyrockets when I am willing to see all of the possibilties for connecting with other people. I am excited that what I am creating in so many different areas of my life can benefit and inspire others in a powerful way. And I am absolutely willing to trust in a vision that creates space for plenty of traveling companions.

Out of the Box

Liken it to a hamster wheel, or a merry-go-round, or even a racetrack, my routine has been like a lot of people's. I would make the rounds from one corner of my box to the next to the next, until I arrived back where I started from and began a new week. Of course it was a fairly predictable journey, although I did my best to make sure there were enough things to keep me interested along the way. There were some things I wanted to do and see, someday... but somehow those things didn't fit in the box of the routine I had created.

I decided that I wanted to get out of the box. Do some of those things I had managed to keep out of my schedule. See some of those places that just weren't visible from inside the box. In all honesty, I realize that I also wanted to bring forth qualities in myself that didn't really fit in the box. Determining that those things were important to me was the first step out. At first, I tried to be and do those important things from inside the box, but it became clear to me that "comfortable" and "predictable" were not part of the vision.

Getting out of a box of any kind is an interesting endeavor. For me, there were people who were cheering me on, individuals who were excited about what I wanted to create. And there were people who were doing their best to convince me that getting out of the box was at best a bad idea and at worst downright impossible. The greatest incentive was that I kept seeing more and more possibility as I took a stand for the things that are truly important to me.

My first steps out of the box have been a bit scary. There isn't a clear rut to follow, and I don't have a map to where I want to go. With so many options and so much wide open space, I could head in any direction, wander aimlessly, get completely lost, never really reach any destination at all. But instead of worrying too much about that, I started doing the things that I wanted to do... working on recording a large piece that has been sitting on the shelf for years, getting my second string quartet into the hands of professional musicians, scheduling Power of Connection courses, and putting the pieces in place to do more collaborative work with other artists. And I have the freedom right now to apply to artist colonies and pursue other opportunities that I've been putting off. My journey can hit all of the landmarks that I want it to.

At first I was criticizing myself for not having all of the pieces in place, for not having the whole journey figured out. Now I see that I can tell true north by keeping the destination in mind, and I can know the next steps by maintaining my commitment to the things that are most important to me. I may create a different kind of routine for myself, and I may realize at some point that I am just in a bigger box. But for now, I am willing to create a pathway and keep my eyes open for unexpected opportunities along the way. I know what I want. And I know who I am.

Tensile Strength of Load-sharing Bundles

I had a conversation with someone last week about ways to get my music out into the world. Walking away from this short chat, I had half a dozen names and organizations that could provide some support for what I am trying to create. And I would guess that each of those names could yield even more possible partnerships. By recognizing that I don't have to do everything myself, I was able to ask for and receive some valuable support.

When I believe that I have to bear the entire weight of my dreams and goals, I reach a breaking point fairly quickly. There are just too many things in which I an inexperienced and unskilled, and I feel the pressure of time more keenly. When I realize that I am actually surrounded by people who can partner with me in some way to share the vision I am creating, the possibility of reaching a breaking point is barely a consideration for me. And I am more open to how I can be of service in their visions as well.

I believe that this is a vital characteristic of healthy communities: "Bundles" of people partnering together in support of one another are going to be stronger by far than a group of individuals all trying to do everything themselves. It's difficult for a group of people to work toward a common purpose if they are each struggling to carry the weight of their own lives. Of course, this kind of partnership requires vulnerability and trust for a community's members to receive support from one another. And it requires willingness and acceptance for a community's members to offer true support to one another.

It may seem a bit counter-cultural to offer and receive mutual support in this way. We are accustomed to a strange mixture of problem-solving, enabling, independence, and blamelessness. I suppose in many ways holding others at arm's length (or farther) looks safer, but it doesn't create strong partnerships the way mutual support can.

But that support can get messy sometimes. It isn't always supportive to approve what someone is trying to create in their lives carte blanche. Sometimes support means that we hold one another's feet to the fire, or we notice blind spots that another person is missing. It means being aware enough of one another's true aims that we can speak up truthfully when we see something that is off the mark. And it also gives us an opportunity to examine ourselves when another person is honest with us. This is how we become sharper. This is what creates a strong community of strong individuals.

Of course, not every community is practicing this kind of supportive partnership. My guess is that very few of them do. But I am wondering what would be possible if they did. What would a world of load-sharing, bundled people in community with one another look like?

Listening

I had a conversation yesterday I don’t think I could have had a year ago. A couple of people had concerns about the way I have been handling a situation, and I heard about it through a third party. I asked for (and got) some time to hear their concerns face to face, and I went into the conversation with a desire to hear what they had to say. I also had a desire for them to know that they were heard. If they were willing, I wanted to be heard, too. I didn’t believe I had to defend myself, but I did want to have an opportunity to be honest with them. As it turns out, the conversation was incredibly informative, and I have had a chance to think about several things as a result of my willingness to listen and their willingness to be heard.

Part of the issue for me centers on bringing my full, authentic self forward. In my effort to do this, I can sometimes lose sight of other people, or I can forget the context of certain relationships. My full, authentic self might look different in a recording studio than it would at a family reunion or in front of a classroom. It's not that I have to hide out or be dishonest about who I am, but rather that I can be more sensitive about other people's expectations and the environment in which we interact.

A piece of it rests with other people's interpretations as well. In fact, these particular concerned individuals had begun to draw conclusions from a few pieces of information out of a much broader framework. Their observations are certainly valid, but they are in some ways incomplete. I recognize that if others want to read something into my words and actions without verifying with me, I have very little control over that.

At the same time, I can be more conscious of how my words and actions reflect my deepest and noblest intentions, and I can strive to make it easy for people to see my authentic self. A part of my response to these specific concerns was to look at the larger context very closely, and what I found was that they stemmed from exceptions and not the norm. I have taken some action to address those isolated incidents, and I am moving forward with greater awareness.

Out of that connecting conversation, there arose some questions I still want to answer for myself, and I am grateful to have such blatant evidence of the rewards of being willing to listen.

My Expectations vs. Reality

Say what you will about visualization, no matter how vividly or purposefully one sees something happening in the mind's eye, one can't control anything outside of oneself. When I visualize the outcome that I truly want, I do believe that I line up my intention and my awareness; I'm ready for it and I'm watching for opportunities to propel myself toward that outcome. But my expectations are still often in competition with what reality turns out to be.

In my job, I have spent a couple of years working toward a long-range vision. I have been redefining what "leadership" means for myself and for other people around me. I have encouraged other people to embrace their capability and I have become more intentional about my communication and my decisions. I want my choices to reflect that larger vision rather than be made out of fear or a desire to please people. The person I had worked most closely with in developing this vision is now gone, however. I am now reporting to someone whose purpose is to see things through a transition period, so the expressed expectations are relatively short-term in scope. Can we still have partnership with different visions.

With the new Power of Connection mentor courses I have scheduled, I expected that there would be a strong interest in a certain community. At least enough to reach the course limit of 15. My marketing for the course was based on that expectation, but the registrations have not been pouring in. I don't know the reasons, but I am recognizing that reality is not what I expected or even envisioned it to be. I am certainly learning something from the experience, but it's not what I had hoped for.

As a composer, I am exploring ways to spend more time with creative pursuits rather than spending my time sending out pieces to competitions and calls for scores in the hopes of getting performances and recognition. I envision a partnership with someone who has a complementary skill set and sees a way to benefit from truly acting on my behalf. I see a number of possibilities for this kind of partnership. It may even be several different people. But I don't know what reality will give me to work with.

When do persistence and tenacity become stubbornness and inflexibility? I don't know. My decisions for today are to hold to my larger vision and see where it carries me. It's certainly not something I believe I can create overnight, and I fully expect that it will continually fluctuate and coalesce in response to new information. My expectations are not really in competition with reality. It's just part of the dance. A partnership that constantly calls me into growth. And the fuel for the vision is a kind of hope and faith that is as boundless as I am willing for it to be.

Connecting

For the past few days, I have been engaging with a brand new course called The Power of Connection and I am now licensed as a mentor to teach this powerful course. It is about communication, effective listening, partnership, setting boundaries... essentially how to have meaningful relationships in every area of life. I immediately saw the ways that teaching this course could fit with my overall vision, but as I spent time with the other mentors in the training, I began to see even more possibilities.

This training was attended by people from all over the world: South Africa, New Zealand, Great Britain, and several different places in the United States. I noticed in many of these people a profound purposefulness about what they were doing; they had big intentions for how this course could feed into their visions too. By the end of the weekend training, several of these people suggested opportunities for partnership with me. I felt grateful, a little surprised, and energized by their acknowledgment of my capability and their interest in partnering.

For the past few weeks, since my experience at Way of a Warrior, I have been settling into the lesson that when I run with "fast fliers" I can trust, I can give my 100% without worrying about being left behind or leaving someone else behind. Over the past few days, I began to re-realize that I am a fast flier in many ways myself. But when I took a fellow mentor to the airport yesterday morning, I got an even bigger piece of this lesson when he asked, "How do you determine when you can trust someone?"

I had it that my experience of another person dictated whether or not I could trust them. If I could predict their behavior enough to know with some certainty that they would follow through on their commitments, then I could trust them. That cause-effect relationship was challenged when he said, "Trusting is a choice you make. You decide to be a trusting person." I can take a stand to be trusting, and my boundaries can fill in the gaps between that trust and the reality of others' behavior. I don't have to stop trusting when someone does something that challenges my boundaries.

One of the most exciting things about the journey I am on is the abundance of learning I get when I am willing to receive it.

The View From Here

Photo by Ceiniog

My journey in many ways has involved me choosing a path and then looking at my feet as I take every step. I've known exactly where my feet were landing, I've recognized the path, and I've had some idea of my destination, but I've also missed a lot of enjoyment along the way. Now, in relishing my view from this spot where I am right now and letting my feet sink into one step at a time, I recognize just how poised I am for the things that are about to happen in my life.

In a couple of days, I have an interview with a local radio station about my piano CD, Mysteries. A few days after that, I'll be completing my training to teach a course called The Power of Connection, which is a brand new six-week curriculum focused on communication and developing the myriad relationships we have in our lives. I'm composing an experiential piece with a different creative perspective than I have taken in the past, and I'm on the leadership team for creating the August More To Life Weekend in Houston. At the same time, I am able to devote time to many rich relationships, and I have a job that continues to challenge me in ways I don't always expect.

I recognize that I am indeed moving forward, in many directions, even when I'm not consciously watching where my feet are landing. I can trust that they will land on solid ground and enjoy the scenery a bit more. What I see gives me evidence toward the things that are true about me: Rather than being lazy, I am purposeful and I can set realistic goals for myself. Rather than being selfish, I actually care a great deal about people, and I am dedicating time to guiding other people in more effective and intentional communication and relationship with one another. Looking up and enjoying each step as I journey not only lets me see other people more clearly, but it gives me a chance to really see myself.

Sinking My Feet In

Alright, I've been procrastinating starting a blog since the beginning of the year, and today seems as good a day as any to get this thing rolling. In fact, it's a better day than most, because I realized today how much more accepting I am about Life's little frustrations than I was not too long ago. "Frustrations" even seems a bit too strong of a word; reality just didn't play out according to my expectations.

I received word this afternoon that the Power of Connection Mentor Course I was planning to take at the end of the month is being postponed. This is a course through More To Life that I had hoped to incorporate into the next phase of my career, and I know the church that currently employs me would benefit from it. Still, I understand the reasons for the mentor training to be postponed; the designers want to provide an intentional product about which they are very confident. So the disappointment is somewhat tempered. The course will still happen, and I will still get the opportunity to share what I learn there with my patch of the world. Just not yet.

On top of that, I received my acceptance letter into the Masters of Social Work degree program at the University of Houston. I'm not sure yet if this is the best path to create a life and career that nurtures my deepest passions, but it's something I want to consider very carefully. Tomorrow I have a meeting at Rice about their MBA program with a focus on Creativity. I'm not even sure that another graduate degree is the best next step, but I am exploring and honing little by little.

Saturday evening, Chasms receives its Carnegie Hall debut, so Joy and I are flying up to hear Marion Russell Dickson sing. It is always incredible to hear my work performed, and there are a lot of emotions bundled into that experience. Sometimes, I wish I could change something or tell a performer exactly how to play it, but often I am just captivated and grateful to hear what I created come to life. That's how Marion sings these Teasdale settings; she brings them to life.

So, right now I'm critiquing my first blogging attempt: How much am I supposed to write? Who's going to read this anyway? What value is there in anything I have to say? But I am also telling myself that this is just another step in my thousand miles. Right now, I am just enjoying sinking my feet into each step of this very fine journey.