Monday, August 17, 2009

Ultimate Mystery-Thriller

Well done "suspense" movies are favorites of mine. Sophisticated horror flicks that keep shifting my expectations, mysteries that don't give away the answer until the very end, movies that engage my mind and constantly introduce new twists and turns. One reason I enjoy these films is that I love to figure things out. I feel pretty satisfied with myself when I am able to solve the puzzle or answer the riddle, but what I really get excited about are the times when I don't. I view a well-told tale that has congruency and yet stumps me until the very end as a phenomenal gift.

But I haven't often lived like that. I haven't often been very satisfied with not knowing. Only recently have I really started to revel in surprises from life. It started with a willingness to step into a goal without knowing what it would look like several years into the future. Now I find myself becoming increasingly willing to commit to what I would truly like to create or be, even when I don't know what the next day of that commitment will look like. I feel a bit scared about it actually, and I feel incredibly confident at the same time.

It is as if I am walking into a fog which gets deeper and deeper, preventing me from seeing the horizon clearly, and yet with each step I gain greater clarity about where I am in that moment. The choices that I am making are becoming less about what job I want or where I want to live and more about who I want to be, which (strangely enough) lines up with who I am when all the masks and facades are down. And it occurs to me that I could never really see the horizon clearly. All I have ever been able to do is to take a step and see what happened. And that realization changes so much about how I take that step.

1 comment:

  1. I agree. Not knowing the "final destination" while being immersed in a story or situation is very satisfying. Swerving side-to-side and feeling the butterflies of near-misses is a thrill....but only in a CONTROLLED ENVIRONMENT. [Driving w/ Grandpa in his 1976 Buick LeSabre vs. Six Flags roller-coasters]
    Giving up control is difficult when you know that you will have to live with a possible negative outcome. Then again, giving up the fear associated with non-control IS liberating.
    "Worry is a Waste of Imagination."